Stadtbad Neukölln

This public bathhouse is located in the hip/artist/gentrifying/immigrant neighborhood of Neukölln. Their website is in German and indicated that Monday was Women’s Night, as well as Nude Swimming Hour.

I entered excited to swim in a thermal pool with other nude German bathing beauties. Little did I know two things. One, there are two pools, and one of them is not nude only. This happens to be the really nice well-lit one with ambient music playing. You will get yelled at in German if you show up naked and try to swim in this pool. But once you haplessly ask the maintenance woman the directions to the nude pool and find yourself beneath a statue spouting cold water, it is a decent time. I expected my tits to feel freed of the demands of gravity, but it just felt like regular swimming tbh.

The walls of the bath are decorated in mosaic tiles with a Moorish influence. The other thing you should know is that not all the areas of the bathhouse are nude, and you should definitely bring more to cover yourself than the two washcloths which you bought in a convenience store because your friend/host only owns one towel.

The saunas are fairly standard, scaled down from a Korean Spa. There are a few dry saunas, a steam room, and a bath. These are nude areas, and they’re very quiet because Germans are like that. When you go into the steam room, be sure to grab a sheet of plastic wrap that is hanging on the outside to place under your bum, lest Germans glare at you through the steam for sitting your unclean vag directly on the tile. Verdict: great facilities, needs more nudity and fewer Germans.—Carol

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